Halo Legends
Halo Legends is a failed Japanese version of Hula Hoop times made by those boys at Toei animation. Yeah, it's an anime. Problem? They were too lazy to turn it into a full movie so its just 7 different short movies with whacked up plots and scenarios that even a Grunt doesn't understand. And, it appears many guys made each movie so the graphics of each are either good total suckage. To show this, we present to you a summary of each movie and the pros and cons to tell you lazy jerks which one you should watch. Movie 1: Homecoming This is the first movie, duh. It only gives a unimaginative location, Planet Sargasso, wherever the hell that is. The main character is a Badass named Daisy who gets caught up with some noobs that are getting pwnt by Grunts and some bugs. Her version of the Cortana Moment are some flashbacks of when she got kidnapped by that bitch and horribly abused. So, during this battle, she and the noobs try to run away from their doom, but the Pelican gets wrecked since the pilot was drinking and drivin'. Daisy gets shot by an Elite with a Noobler so more flashbacks come that can leave one droning in and out of drowsiness. The Chief (I think) arrives and pwns the Covenant, but he was too late, so Daisy dies. PROS * Somewhat good example of Grunt awesomeness. * Chief shows up. * Marines actually hit their targets for once. * AR goes ratta ratta chat. CONS * Graphics are terrible. * Jackholes are even more annoying. * Wrong aspects on Plasma Grenade implosion. * That one part. * Totally non-canon shit. Movie 2: The Duel Now, this is a rather badass movie that shows the first Arbiter of uber pwng. There's a lot of sword fights, eye screwing, and total mayhem that all leads up to a stupid ending. The Arbiter, named Fal, starts off coming to silence some Elites who have been spreading lies about him on their blogs. Those Elites thought they were total gods, but got ripped apart by Fal's 40-foot knife. Fal returns home with a bad mood since he's gotta listen to his wife bitch all day. Yeah, that was the first look at what female Elites look like. HIDEOUS! Meanwhile, the Prophet of Truth had a grudge on Fal since Fal had decided to follow Christianity instead of Teh Lame Journey. He ordered a samurai Elite named Haka to burn Fal on the stake, though Haka had another plan. He sent a whole Covie army to keep Fal busy while he raped and killed Fal's wife. That battle was insane. It was Fal with dual death forks vs. OVER 9000 Covies. Of course he killed them all but Haka was able to have his way with the wife. Fal challenged Haka to a death match that lasted for hours since they mainly just stood in place. End: Fal killed Haka, Haka killed Fal. PROS * Ohhhh!, all that sword fighting * 1-mile tall Hunters * Samurai Elites! CONS * Everyone liked to stand still. * Why did some things look invisible? * Wives * Water-paint graphics Movie 3: Origins stuff Ugh this is a real corny movie where Porntana has the floor. Boring! Its just like listening to your mom reading to you while she has her period. She was just talking to Chief but he wasn't listening, no one was. After a tough decision, I realize this movie is total bore-fest that will put you to sleep. You are just being told everything you should already know if you had been paying attention. PROS * I don't know CONS * Everything Movie 4: The "Package" Worldwide votes declare this is Halo Legends' best movie. It has the best graphics and features all the best actions. This is the Halo version of Star Wars 3. MC and more badass' attack a whole Covie fleet of Sissy ass ships using space BMXs to take back the crack the Covies took. It also shows how racist the Covies are since the only black guy died first in a bomb trap. The Jay Leno chinned Spartan died next. MC and his two little homies attacked the Covie carrier where two Elite dicks sat in saying how epic their honor is. The Spartans get aboard and start pwnge all the Covie noobs until they come across one of those dick Elites who fights Fred. Chief continues on to let his Spartans die but finds out he's not after crack but Halsey. Or was that Halsey? I always thought she was 60 not 20. And she kept stealing 1-liners from Cortana. MC ends up having to fight the uber Elite with swords and almost dies until the Covie Captain blows up his whole ship. MC and Halsey and somehow the other 2 Spartans escape. PROS * Epic Halo Reach graphics * Space battles * Explosions * Halsey? * Pretty lights! WE ARE UNABLE TO LIST ANY CONS, THERE ARE NONE. Movie 5: The Prototype Yep, its a Marine, but it was cool. Apparently, this dude named Ghost is at this planet Algolis where the marines are getting screwed by Covies. He might be the Ghost from CODMW2. Ghost grabs himself a badass suit (Which combines the Jebus gun with the Hula Hoop 2 Pocket Lawn Chair) called the Prototype and begins stompin on the Covie morons. OMG+Z he blew 'em apart. Then, since he has nothing left to live for, Ghost self destructs the suit which makes a nuclear implosion that kills all. We never do see those suits again and never get to use them. PROS * Suit of super badass * Hunter blew apart into earthworms. * Lots of explosions * Lots of pwng * CONS * Average story * Ghost is a Marine * Suit of super badass gets destroyed. Movie 6: The Babysitter Queer name, queer guys, and over half the movie is them taking a walk. It's all wrapped up in a scene where a Spartan and ODSTs snipe a Prophet known as J.F.K. Afterward, they almost get squished by an ape. PROS * Dead Testicle Chin * Dutch * Spartan * They rip a Brute's eye out CONS * Everything else * Odd graphics Movie 7: Odd One Out WTF is this crap! This one is without a doubt the worse movie of them. I mean its a crazy ass fighting a crazy gorilla thing. God it sucks. I, everyone in Europe and America, and Truth are ashamed of it. Forget this. PROS * What do you think * Halo characters doing crazy ass Dragon Ball Z style fighting! * FALCON BROFIST CONS * Everything else Trivia * Graphics vary upon payment. * Too many lost minds. * The Arbiter killed a thousand Covies! * If you look at cortana's boobs you will see a nipple * Dutch shows up, but you can't tell which one he is. * Cortana appears way too many times. * There are 7 movies. (7 - 4 = 3) Another "three" reference -- Oh wait, this isn't Bungie. * This wasn't made by Bungie. * If you look closely at the red ground in the second movie, you can see a... swastika?! * Exaggerated explosions * Profit! Category:Things that kick ass Category:Things you shouldn't use for intercourse Category:Shit people complain about Category:Stuff Category:Big exploding stuff,